Thursday 17th August 1939

Just been checking up my Bank account. As far as I can estimate, about £15-10-0 stands to my credit at the present. Sorry! Only £14-8-0! On the 18th my insurance premium (car) should be paid. £13-7-0. Previously I have paid the annual amount outright but it will have to be quarterly this time! Allowing two instalments of £4-5-10 (car hire-purchase), I should have £5-17-0 left by the end of October when my next commission cheque arrives. This does not include £2-2-0 road tax (payable September 30th) or a proportion of the car insurance premium – say £4.

My spare cash which arrives weekly and flows out weekly in the form of petrol and oil, chiefly, will be fully occupied in dealing with smoking and car repairs which already require attention. A) brake linings or new brake shoes. B) adjustments to the engine (please! Not a £7 reconditioning job again!) which is eating oil at the rate of a pint a day!

I take cynical amusement in stating these facts. There are so many unforeseen expenses liable to arise in dealing with future financial troubles that it is impossible to prepare an accurate balance sheet. It is obvious however that – to coin an old phrase of mine – financial Tangle lies ahead and that I cannot even pay my way, unless possibly my people can repay some of the £11 loan. Ah well, I guess I’ll muddle through somehow, and without worrying. Without worrying that the date of my marriage is as far off, seemingly as fatuously impossible as ever.

Without ceasing to live for today alone! As Jefferies says, “Today is everything! Let not the eyes grow dim; look not back but forward”. I will not even look forward! I’d been assuming that war would break out on August 15th. Of course it hasn’t so I feel a bit flat right now. I must set another date. What shall we have? September 4th! That gives me three weekends!