Wednesday 10th October 1934

Riding to work in the morning I thought, as buses rumbled close past me - “If I were to wrench the wheel hard to the right at the crucial moment…” Yes, I feel as rotten as that.

Tonight I’m going to TocH. They cannot make me more cheerful there. I’m jolly enough. But inside, I feel squashed flat like a deflated balloon. Crumpled.

Money! If I ever have any it will have been well earned. Tears of misery first. If I dare give in – run away… But I dare not. Responsibility, Duty, Honour. I won’t run away.