Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Saturday 28th and Sunday 29th January 1939

Weekend at home. Took Lois to New Malden on Saturday and brought her back on Sunday morning. In the intervals of “gadding about” with John, the family noticed my deep gloom. “Oh, don’t worry” I said eventually, “I get like this every winter. This is the Stillness of the year, you know. Rather like the stillness very early in the morning. Darkest hour before the dawn.”

I’ve had a black mood for a long time now. Very black mood. I cannot laugh – inside – spontaneously. Cannot love Lois, even. Doubtless it will pass – and so will the winter. Hateful winter, when everything becomes lifeless, grey and flaccid! If I could live in a country where there is sunshine now, and white buildings! However the spring will come and –

“The wee birdies sing and sweet flowers spring;
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping…”

When that time comes again!

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