Monday, March 12, 2007

Thursday 30th November 1933

After lunch I felt hungry, so ate three slices of dry bread and bought a two-penny bar of chocolate. Two pence! That means I shall be short at the end of the week.

I am sitting alone again. When I have finished this, shall turn off the light and sit smoking in the fire glow. As I walk about I anxiously scan the faces of passers- by. At digs, the gate slams; I listen nervously. Every few hours my attitude towards her changes. “A year too soon”. “Too late”. It was impossible. “Heaven has closed” “Wait another year”. “Forget as quickly as possible”. “it was a dream – now you are awake”. “Leave it to fate”. “Damn your decision – change it”. “The decision is unchangeable”. Perhaps, in years ahead, I’ll read these hurt cries and laugh. As the poet says: “I dreamed I was in love again, With the One before the Last; And smiled once more to feel the pain. Of that innocent young past….”

(2005 More than 70 years later I smiled at all the introspection. Peggy was a girl of caprice and mischief. She always liked to run at least two boyfriends at the same time. This was unfortunate for me at that stage of development.)

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